Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
For weeks I've been putting off packing up Ava's summer stuff, but when I did her last load of laundry and realized that I couldn't possibly put anything else in the closet, I decided it was time. What I didn't realize is that I completely neglected to put away her winter stuff from LAST year, so I had more work to do than normal. I always hate putting the stuff away because it makes me incredibly sad that she will never wear this stuff again. But, anyway, it's done, and now her closet looks almost empty. The only solution I have for that is more shopping.
I'm going to try to post again tomorrow, but really we all know that won't happen so I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving. I'm off to work on getting my house ready for 25 peeps on Friday. And I might have another cookie Yes, I'm crazy.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Cheezing it up for the camera on the way.
Hanging with grandma while looking at the chicks and bunnies
In front of the "haunted farmhouse," which I thought she would totally hate. We had to drag her out of there after about the 7th time through. I think it freaked me out more than it did her.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Words still cannot describe the pain I felt that day, but there was still hope that I would be bringing home one healthy baby.
Little did I know.
The memories of my pregnancy are fading, but the pain I feel over that loss is always there. I don't cry about it anymore, but I think about them and say a prayer every single day. The what if's can be overwhelming at times, but I've proven to myself that even though nothing will ever be the same again, I can and have moved on. That experience has forever changed who I am as a person, and who I am as a mother. I have more dead children than I do living ones. No one should ever have to write that.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It started with a call I got at 8:30 from Ava's Parents Day Out teacher. Started the day off wrong, I'll go into details about it in a minute.
I want to shout out to everyone that has been affected by Ike. We had massive winds here on Sunday as a result of the storm, and for us to suffer any damage this far away pales in comparison to what some people are facing. We came home to find several sections of shingles missing from our roof. With all the problems that we've had I'm all for ripping the damn thing off and replacing it with a permanent sun light.
We had our home inspection on the old house yesterday. Just as a precaution I went over to make sure none of the smoke detectors were beeping and the air filters were clean. I pulled up to find our one and only tree in the front yard totally snapped in half. Guess it's a good thing we already sold the house.
Ava's sleeping habits and attitude are pushing me closer to the edge insanity. I was pretty close before but lately she's been completely unmanageable. So unmanageable that when I "try" to discipline her she throws her hands on her ears and rolls her eyes. I'm being played like a fiddle.
Matthew's being a total ass. PMS in rare form. I actually went to the store and made dinner tonight, for him to come home, tell me he wasn't eating it and therefore will take care of himself now. He complains if I don't cook, complains if I do. I can't win.
I left my grocery list at home, drew a complete brain fart and forgot about half of what I needed. Most importantly dog food. Ava dropped her prized blankie at the check out line at Wal-Mart. I searched all over the damn place to realize it was the last place we actually were.
I desperately want a new layout to my blog, and found the best website where you can upload cute ones for free, and I'm a complete and total idiot and apparently cannot follow directions.
A friend of mine got some bad news from a MRI he had Friday. Has a mass on his temporal lobe. Not sure what that means but he has 3 kids. He's a total turd ball but I'm putting my feelings and animosities aside and hoping and praying for the best.
Gosh I'm really whiny today.
Going back to the call from her teacher. She started last Monday, so yesterday marked her second day. Not much time in my opinion to get a feel for how a child is really going to be. She cried last week when I dropped her off. Got the report when I got her that all was fine. Dropped her off screaming yesterday, they told me not to worry about it, they could handle it and all was fine. When I picked her up both teachers said she was fine, she had some moments but nothing to worry about. She called today to tell me that Ava was indeed very hard to comfort yesterday, that she cried alot, and they don't think she's ready to stay there from the scheduled time of 9 - 2. Nothing that any mother wants to hear. I was SHOCKED. This was coming from the same mouth that at the orientation 3 weeks ago said they would a.) call if a child could not be consoled, b.) would ask the parent what to do to console the child, c.) would recommend that even if the child wasn't happy, they could handle it and would not recommend changing things unless there was an extreme circumstance. She tried to make it seem like after 2 weeks...she could determine that this is how Ava was going to be. She went to this SAME Parents Day Out last year, and I had NO complaints about her. I loved her teacher and was devastated to learn that Ava wouldn't be in her class this year. I'm at a loss as to what to do. The teacher suggested that we try her from 9 - 12 next week. That does nothing for me. I'm going to be sitting, watching the clock, wondering what's going in that classroom. I understand their concern for what's going on there and if she's disrupting then we need to figure out what to do, but after only 2 times???? I would think that when you are dealing with 2 1/2 year olds no assumptions can be made that fast. She does have a tendency to cry SOMETIMES when I drop her off in unfamiliar situations, but never for more than 5 minutes and no one ever says anything about it. Even at the orientation I didn't get a real sense of compassion from this woman, and my feelings are pushing me stronger to take her out completely. I do not want to do it. I know there are going to be times as she gets older when I get phone calls about her behavior. There are going to be times when I don't like her teachers. But we have to deal with it. They are supposed to be trained to deal with these kids. This is good for Ava, and for me but if it's going to do her more harm in the long run I'll yank her out. I have no problem doing that. Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm just being a concerned parent, something I really haven't been forced to deal with yet.
I'll continue my pity party alone, maybe with a glass, or bottle, of wine.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
I'll try to post more tomorrow...will update the rest of the days from the trip either tomorrow from our hotel on the road, or at home.
If there is anyone else out there that reads this that are in the affected areas, I hope you are able to stay safe too.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The storm is now due to hit just north of us, so the worst that we might get is rain and wind, we haven't changed our plans and are due to leave Saturday morning. Tear. It has been wonderful and relaxing but also very exhausting dealing with these 2 little ones. I have had a great time but am also ready to get home and back to a sense of normalcy.
Will update when I can.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
We walked down to the dock where they were having food and music by the water where we ate, drank and the kids danced until they wore themselves out.
Can someone PLEASE tell me how I ended up with a kid with super blonde hair and blue eyes?? I can't tell you how many people have asked A if both kids were hers. Gee people, thanks.
The postive here is that both kids were in bed asleep by 9. That's good enough for me.
**On a total side note, we should know by lunch time tomorrow if there is going to be a mandatory evacuation for the storm. We have decided that unless we have to leave, we are planning on staying. We are supposed to leave Sat. morning anyways, so if we can ride it out we will. If not, we are prepared and have rooms inland waiting for us.
Last night, they proved that they are, like their mommies, the best of friends. Quality is horrible, but hopefully you can see enough to get the idea. He literally took her hand and started dancing with her.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
We woke up yesterday morning, unfortunately earlier than we wanted but when you have two adults and two, 2 year olds in a room that's sort of hard to do. We got on the road about 10 and all things went pretty good until we literally saw two dogs, in the middle of the median of the highway, having um, relations. Guess I can't blame them as traffic was at a standstill due to a major accident and apparently they were just trying to make the best of a bad situation. I'm now pissed that I wasn't smart enough to get my phone out and take a picture because it was classic, and something I'm sure to never see again.
Right about 3, we rolled over the bridge to this...(of course it was low tide and therefore not the most pleasant of smells but we could have cared less, there was sand, water, and we were happy)
And the kids were sooo excited to FINALLY be here.
We on the other hand, STOKED...yes I look horrible.
Too many dollars at the store, more food than we will ever need...
but with these waiting for us, it's all worth it.
**Disclaimer. No children will be neglected or harmed on this trip. Just two adult women who need and deserve to have a good time.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I went to a new family Dr. last week just for a check up and blood work, and this was written on my report that I received yesterday "your cholesterol is dangerously high, we need to discuss treatment ASAP." So I went back in today and we agreed for me to TRY a low fat, low cholesterol diet with lots of exercise and will re-evaluate in 2 months, but he also told me with the levels that I have it looks like even if I can lower them, it will only be a band aid affect and therefore won't be effective in the long run. I'm a little overweight, but I don't eat THAT unhealthy and we both agree that since both my parents have a history of heart disease this appears to be something genetic. I'm thankful that I've been able to get enough medical history from my birth parents because that is going to be a big help as we determing my next plan of action.
I went to orientation for Ava's Parent's Day Out tonight, and because she went last year, I was expecting things to be the same. Not at all. This year she is in an older class, they do not nap, they gear their day more towards a pre-school type attitude, and there are 12 kids in a class instead of 8. Just another thing to make me realize just how quickly she is growing up.
And the last random thought, guess who decided to show up today after being absent for 4 1/2 months. Aunt Flow. Seriously??? Could it have come at a worse time??? I think not.
I'm going to try to post every day. Did you see that?? I said EVERY DAY while I am at the beach, but of course that depends on whether or not we can steal Internet from someone. I am hoping to come home totally refreshed, and in a sense, ready to start over
Monday, August 25, 2008
Still not sure what's going on:
Thursday, August 14, 2008
My friends procedure went well last week. They went in thinking she was only getting a colonoscopy but because of the inability to hold down food they also did an endoscopy. She's a hoot but seeing her come out of sedation exceeded my expectations! Upon initial examination he said things looked good. Nothing of concern in the colon, but he diagnosed her with Ga.stritis in the stomach. He took biopsies of everything, hooked her up with a prescription for the stomach problems and we left.
Today she got the call that she has a severe form of the Ga.stritis and Ce.liac Disease. She now has to go Gluten Free...which in her diet makes up about 80% of what she eats...so she's pissed off and I can't even go and offer her a beer for condolences.
Anyhoo thought I'd update. I'm off to attempt to play tennis (am currently in the process of drinking a beer as it seems to make it a tad more appealing to go). Hopefully my tennis skirt from last year's go with this still fits...doubtful but one can hope.
Thanks for all the good thoughts on her...now she's really going to be skinny enough for me throw her to the other side of the beach!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
If you DID look like this when you were 9 months pregnant, I will pay you paparazzi money for the excusive rights to your pics.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
- Last weeks sickness was in a nutshell my own personal hell. I sucked it up on Tuesday and went to the Doctor. No great revelations, I was told it was either a virus or some type of food poisoning which I already knew but dammit I wanted drugs. And what did she give me? Phen.ergen. I already have a lifetime supply of that. You can buy it on the internet cheaper than you can get it with insurance. Through some rather unpleasant tests they ruled out food poisoning. It was definitely a virus, and of course I was told to treat it symptomatically and wait it out. I don't want to get into the gross details of it all but it took me an entire week and 7 pounds later before I started feeling better. I still don't have much of an appetite, but at least now I can actually look at food without feeling like I'm gonna barf.
- That Jimmy Buffet concert that I had been looking to for months???? Didn't go. IToo sick to go and I'm still pissed about it.
- I have yet to get my period which I think is strange 6 weeks past D&C and a full month of BC later. No I am not pregnant. I've tested, negative, and I'm relieved.
- I leave for vacation 5 weeks from tomorrow with Ava, my best friend and her 2 year old. I cannot be more excited. I need to get the hell out of here. I'll miss the hubbs but I need my girl time too.
- Having someone else clean my house is totally worth sacrificing money I would have spent elsewhere.
- I got addicted to Legally Blonde The Musical: The Seach for Elle Woods on MTV. I am ashamed to admit it. I am also ashamed to admit my other summer TV addictions.
- My husband hasn't realized that fixing household items is not his forte'. Many of you remember when he fell through the ceiling in the bedroom a few months back. Well he got back home Saturday afternoon after being on a plane all night from Brazil, and right away he decided it was a good idea to have a few beers and then replace all of the flood lights around the outside of our house. They have been burnt out for over a year so one more day wouldn't have been a big deal. As he went to change the last one he knocked against a wasp nest, and instead of taking it like a man and risk the chance of a sting, he jumped off a 6 foot ladder. And therefore here is where we spent part of our Saturday night...doesn't he look happy to see me?
- Nothing broken thankfully, just a sprain and some ligament damage, but nevertheless he's doped up on Vico.din, has to use crutches and to top it off he now has a nasty sinus infection. To say he's been pleasant to be around would be the understatement of the year.
- A very good friend of mine has been talking/texting a very famous boy bander for a few months, and she told me today that he called her last night inviting her to come to LA this weekend for a private CD screening, and then she's staying at his house. I'm not going to put it out on the blog, but if curiosity gets the best of you...leave me your email in the comment section (if I don't already have it) and I'll spill it.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The good news about all of this is that my house looks amazing...cleaning lady has been hired to come every 4 weeks. I was also really planning on starting my diet today, and because I haven't put anything in my body that didn't taste like cardboard, I should be well on my way to that first week goal of 4 pounds.
The bad? This shit (pardon the expression) better vacate it's premises in time for Buffet on Thursday. The really bad? I don't have a babysitter as all of my sitters are going to the concert with me...must work on mother in law pronto.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Anyway, new paragraph, moving on. By the time he finally came in about 30 minutes later, I had the lovely pleasure of hearing at least one strong fetal heartbeat in the room next door, which really was enough to send me running, but since I was half naked from the waist down I figured that might not be the best idea. I could tell that he wasn't himself. Not that I "know" him, but I've been in there enough and have had enough conversations to feel comfortable on more than just a patient level. Everything was cut and dry, he was very much the "Dr." this time. One thing that shocked me was that I had to ask him for the test results. He didn't have them. He said he had thought about them, but that doesn't mean much to me. I wanted to walk in there and know why I lost this baby. Either my body failed me, or something was wrong and I wanted to know. I didn't get that answer. Instead I got the question of whether or not I wanted more prenatal vitamins and go after baby # whatever it is now, or contraception. I was told before my D&C three weeks ago that I should take a break. My body and my mind needed time to heal. It just seemed like something wasn't right. Then it was time for the exam, and all went well, almost. I was due for the annual cervix swab and he even mentioned it until I heard his nurse and him whisper back and forth that my insurance won't cover it. WTF!!! I have good insurance, and this is what I would consider preventative care so why in the hell was I not allowed to have one??? Mind you, I don't personally enjoy having that part of my body probed but I'm pretty sure I would like to know that all is still well and healthy down there. I never got an answer on that either. He told me that he would get the results, call me later and sent me out with a bag full of birth control samples as if nothing in the past 9 months had happened. If that were my first visit to the doctor I would not see him again. I am wondering what happened in that STAT C-Section. Was he just having a bad day, or did something bad happen. You never know. Yes they are doctors and unfortunately they do see the bad sides to pregnancy, but I wonder how if/when a doctor loses a baby during deliver they are able to go on about their day as if nothing happened. I'm not saying that happened...it just makes you wonder.
Anyhoo I picked up Ava and went to the store, and apparently sometime while I was there he called and I missed it. Again, it just wasn't like him on the voicemail. First off, I am SURPRISED that he left the results of the test on a voicemail. Normally he would call and either have me call him or he would call me back later. Results were that baby did have an abnormal karyotype, which he called the most common abnormality in miscarried fetuses. Does that make me feel any better? I don't know. I still don't know iwhether I would rather have a miscarraige because there was something wrong with the baby, or something wrong with my body. My first twin had a chromosome abnormality, and now having two makes things scary. Even if what happened to the last baby was "common" it doesn't help things. From what I understand it was missing an additional sex karyotype, but most babies with this are genotypically female. If you are counting, that's not only 3 babies that I have lost, but 3 girls. The 1% with this abnormality survive but will not reach puberty, and therefore will not be able to have children. What worries/bothers me the most is my first twin had something called Turner Syndrome which only affects females, and has similar characteristics. He says I'm reading too much into it, that because we have healthy children (his son, and of course Ava) we shouldn't worry. And I want to believe him, but it's hard not to. I'm going to a perinatal loss meeting tomorrow that deals with recurrent miscarriages and I'm hoping someone else has some light to shed on this. In the meantime, the baby factory has closed, and I'm not sure when/if it will open again.
Right now I just want some time to get my life and my sex life back, and not be consumed with getting/staying pregnant. It might happen again, and it might not. The bottom line is I have alot to be thankful for already.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
I'm taking an indefinite break. And I might take a break from reading/commenting as I just don't have the energy to handle things right now. I need to focus all of my energy on being the best parent I can to Ava. Reality is sinking is that she might just be the only child we ever have. I've had 2 pregnancies/2 losses in less than 7 months and I need to give my body and my mind time to heal, and even then I'm not sure I'll be ready to do it again.
Thanks to everyone who's been praying for us during all of this.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Chas asked if Ava had been a boy, what was his name to be? Why did you choose it? Also, any names in mind for this new baby?
For boy names we had it narrowed to Owen. Matthew liked the name Wyatt but for a few years now (and still today) I have had a dream where I had a little boy named Owen. I'm not sure where it came from, as I don't have any family members by that name nor do I know anyone. It stuck with me and to this day I still love that name. Ava's name actually came to us pretty easy. I remember early in my pregnancy reading about how Mar.tina Mc.Bride had named her third child Ava Rose and I just LOVED it. We've always known that our first girl would have Rose as her middle name. It's my middle name and it's my grandmother's name, and I just thought Ava Rose really fit together. We were also sort of toying around with Olivia, and the final decision wasn't actually made until I was in the delivery room, but I think we always knew that was what it was going to be. As for new baby...I think we both hesitate to even think about it right now. Obviously the last time we named a child the result wasn't what we wanted, so I think we will really settle and talk about it once we get past the 20 week ultrasound...which seems SO long away!!
If anyone thinks of anything else, keep them coming!
A few random things. I'm FINALLY going to see Sex a.nd the C.ity tonight. I was supposed to go Friday but when my friends told me they were going to the 10:40 showing, I politely bailed as that's way past my bedtime!
I go back to the Dr. on Friday, so think good thoughts. Obviously I'm hoping the pregnancy is still there (no doubts in my mind that it's not), but mostly I'm hoping I'm 9 weeks where I think I am as opposed to a week or so behind. Another week added to this trimester would seem like an eternity. I'll post as soon as I can...
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Lisanne asked me:
1. First why my font was so tiny? To be honest I don't know! Something happened to my original template and I haven't had time to go back and find a new one that I like...but I promise I will or I will send you up some reading glasses! He He
2. When you're feeling anxious, stressed out, worried, etc., what helps you relax, unwind, and calm down? When I can I do take baths, but it's rare so alot of times I'll just pop in a movie that I know will make me laugh, and drink a glass of wine (when I'm not pregnant of course)
3. Where did you go to college? And what did you study? What was your first job out of college? I started at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green where I studied Elementary Education. After 2 years I transferred back home to the University of Kentucky and was the director of an After School Program at a Day Care and quickly learned that teaching was NOT for me. I ended up changing my major to Hospitality Management and after 6 LONG years in college I finally graduated in 2000. Right out of college I interviewed to be a Flight Attendant, basically it was my way of prolonging getting a job as long as possible. After several rounds of interviews, and learning more than I needed to about how crappy the first couple years can be, I decided against it and took a job at a company called All.tech as an Event Coordinator. I loved it, but left after 3 years for personal reasons which I will describe later.
4. If I had an entire afternoon to myself, what would I do? Well thanks to the help of my wonderful parents, I actually get these quite often. I take the "day off" so I can get my house cleaned and laundry done but I usually end up curling up on the couch and watching movies. I could watch movies all day long.
1. How did you & Matthew meet & was it "love at first sight"? This is is sort of a continuation of Lisanne's question. Matthew and I met at our company Christmas party in 2001, and ironically neither of us was supposed to even be there that night. He got back from a business trip a day early, and I was supposed to be out of town but my trip got cancelled. He and I worked in different departments, different buildings and while I had heard his name, I had no idea who he was until that night. I definitely wouldn't call it love at first sight :-) But let me just say that a group of people went out afterwards to a bar, there was some drinking involved, he was paying loads of attention to me, and I of course fell for it. I actually was sort of dating someone else at the time, and I attempted to "use" Matthew to make the other guy jealous, however I ended up realizing that I had much stronger feelings for Matthew and the other guy was history. It took me a long time to really get that relationship with him because we had hurdles to overcome, mainly the fact that he had been married before and he had a son. It was hard to penetrate that wall that he had because he had been hurt really bad before and was trying to make sure I was "worth it" before going down that road again. When we finally made the decision, one of us had to leave the company in order for the relationship to advance further. I made it easy and quit. He had been there 9 years and it made no sense for me to stay. It was time for me to move on anyways.
2. What is your most favorite aspect of motherhood? Gosh so many things, but mainly just seeing this little product of us running around. Nobody could have prepared me for the love that I have for that little girl. She cracks me up and continues to amaze me each day.
1. When you were little, what did you think you'd be when you grew up? How many dates did it take for you to figure out Matthew was the one? Did you know before the ultrasound Ava would be a girl? When I was little, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer. I'm not sure why, I never was good at arguing and I usually lost the battles, but I guess since my father was a lawyer and then a judge I wanted to try and follow in his footsteps. But really it just depended on what day it was. I remember a time when I wold change my mind daily, but the lawyer one definitely sticks out. Second question, I'm not really sure how long it took for me to know he was the one. I think I hesitated to think that to myself because early on in our relationship he used to tell me that he would never get married again, so I probably put up a wall of thinking that just in case. It took him over a year to tell me that he loved me, but it was pretty clear at that point that he was it! As for the ultrasound, I honestly thought she was going to be a boy. I'm thinking I might have had some boy dreams but all of the "old wives tales" pointed to girl so I'm not sure where my boy thinking came from. We actually weren't even 100% sure she was a girl because they couldn't get her to spread her legs, but I guess it's a good thing she was since we got greedy and bought lots of pink stuff.
Jen was dying to know the following:
1. What are your favorites: color, flower, band/singer, movie, tv show Favorite color is pink, favorite flower is peonies...love the way they smell, favorite band/singer is a tough one. Of all time probably Journey or George Strait, current fave might be Carrie Underwood. I really go through phases depending on what time of the year it is, but I can actually sit and listen to her whole CD without flipping through songs. I'm really in the country phase right now.
2. Are you a jeans n tee type of girl? Or are you the dressier type? Honestly I'm more of a sweats and tee type of girl. I do like dressing up because it actually makes me feel like an adult other than just a mommy with food on my shirt, but when I get home I can't wait to throw the sweats and tee back on.
3. What turns you on about Matthew the most? The way he is as a father, and the way he works so hard so that I can stay home and raise Ava. I think that's one thing that really drew me to him when we were dating. It was hard for me to cope with the fact that he had a son, but seeing him as a father already made me realize how great he would be if we ever had children of our own.
4. What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? Favorite toy? Do you remember that show "Jabberjaw?" I remember coming home from church and going straight for the TV to watch it. Weird now that I think about it, but I did love it. Favorite toy would have to be anything Barbie. I had them all, and all of the accessories to go along with it.
5. What do you enjoy about being pregnant? That's a hard one since I'm not technically enjoying it right now! But the thing that I loved most about my pregnancy with Ava was the movement, and getting to know her personality before anyone else could. I knew way back then she was going to be a laid back baby and she was. I really was sad the day she was born because she no longer belonged to just me. As moms we have such amazing bonds with these little humans, and it's hard to share! I'm really trying to enjoy every moment this time, because this one is our last. :-( Boo hoo.
6. What is your favorite thing about Ava? So many things! I love the way she laughs, I love how she sometimes walks around with her eyes closed and laughs when she bumps into stuff, I love how she gets excited when she sees her daddy's car pull up in the driveway, I love it when she tells me that she loves me...even thought I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what it means, I love the way she giggles and squeals at the dog when he barks at her, I love that her favorite outfit usually includes no clothes but always shoes, and I love the fact that her favorite phrase right now is "Ava's stinkin cute," but mostly I just love it that she's mine.
7. Is she more like you, or her Daddy? This one is easy. She looks just like him and is stubborn and dramatic just like me!
Is that all you ever wanted to know and more???
Monday, May 26, 2008
My hormones are out of control, my husband is pissing me off, I'm crying at movies that aren't supposed to be sad, and I'm being hard on my toddler for things she can't control. I'm just sort of at the end of my rope. I don't handle it well when I'm sick and as I'm laying here on the couch she's jumping repeatedly beside me and doing belly flops on my stomach. She's trying to play and I'm getting on her for doing it. For once I just want to be the one that sleeps in on a Saturday, and then is able to take a leisurely nap in the fternoon but I don't see that happening any time soon.
Enough of that, as crappy as I feel, I'm sort of thankful that I don't feel good as we all know that is usually a good sign. I'm planning on calling my Dr. to get him to call me something in. I personally can't function like this. I'm the whiniest sick person, and even though I wanted to keep pills to a minimum this time, I feel that it's a necessary thing to get me through the next few weeks. I have things to do and places to go and I can't live my life on the couch. Ava doesn't deserve that.
Now would someone please just tell me to shut up and quit bitching...
Friday, May 23, 2008
The bottom line of the Dr. appointment goes something like this...yolk sac clear and visible, no baby in sight, come back for follow up Ultrasound in 2 weeks. According to my calculations I'm 7 weeks and 4 days, but according to them they should be able to see the baby by now. My last two pregnancies it was plain as day. So, either I have a baby that is very good at hiding, I had a really weird/long cycle and maybe ovulated at a weird time, or the baby stopped growing and isn't viable. When you are this early in a pregnancy a matter of days can mean alot on the ultrasound. He's optimistic that there is the yolk sac, and for a split second at the beginning I heard him say "that's what we're looking for," yet it was never to be seen again. Having to wait two weeks is going to be another nightmare. All I have done is wait, and here we go again.
I've spent hours this afternoon with Dr. Google, and he has been both my best friend today and my worst enemy. Bottom line is I KNOW (well according to my $150 Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor) when I ovulated and when it happened, and I suppose that I could have had a long cycle. My system hasn't been completely normal since I lost the last pregnancy. I had a couple 28 day ones, but I also had one that was 32 days. This time I tested on the morning of day 26, and again that night and the first test was non-existent and the second one clear as day. I know that those can detect hormones at least 5 days before a missed period, I'm thinking that maybe this was a long cycle month, which would have at least set me back a few days. I'm probably over rationalizing, and I know many people who thought they were a week ahead of where they were at this point and everything was fine, but with everything I've already been through, it's hard to be optimistic. I'd like to think that if he was that concerned then I wouldn't be waiting two weeks to go back, but then my negative side thinks maybe he's already expecting the worst and by then maybe I will be back in his office to confirm the end.
He did seem positive that I was still having symptoms, but wouldn't you know that even though I felt like crap this morning, I feel OK now. I'm praying for the sickness to come back...god I never thought I would say that.
**Ok so I just gagged while feeding the dog, yeah his food smells but that doesn't usually happen. Don't know if that's good or bad**
Thursday, May 22, 2008
AND, the sickness has surfaced. The ironic thing is mornings are actually the easiest part of my day. It usually hits around lunchtime and just gets progressively worse until I'm asleep. Not as bad as last time by far, but gosh I was hoping to catch a small break. I'll get through it, I'm just definately not as chipper as I was a week ago. And the orange juice that I so feverishly craved last time??? Gone...it has been replaced by some minty/oreo pie that I found. Just what my thighs needed. I expect a full on weight lecture in the AM.
Will post again tomorrow when I can.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I've never done one like this before, so it's your time to ask me questions. Anything you want to know, just ask. I'm dying to know what you all want to know about me.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
On a side note, (and totally more for my benefit than yours)
Pregnancy related issues:
- Sore boobs (but not sure if that's from them actually being sore or them being sore from me poking them all day to see if they are sore)
- Tired, no EXHAUSTED. Sort of remember being this tired with Ava, but not with the twins. Her nap time can never come soon enough for me.
- Feel good other than that. By this point in my last pregnancy I was doped up with 2 anti-nausea medications, so hopefully that's a good sign, but I'm sure I just jinxed myself in saying that so I'll go ahead and make sure toilets are clean.
- Smells are starting to become stronger, but nothing really that bothers me...yet. Again, full force gagging was in effect by now with the last pregnancy. Just the smell of my house made me gag.
- First Dr. appointment is May 23...and NO ONE from my family will be here to celebrate in the joy. Matthew is on a 4 day fishing trip and mom and dad will be in FL. Boo.
- Speaking of family, we still haven't told anyone yet. I was really wanting to wait until after the appointment, but since my parents will be gone, we decided to go ahead and do it on Sunday. Things would have worked out perfectly however Matthew just found out TODAY that he is probably going to Brazil on Sunday. He was supposed to leave for Canada on Monday, but now they think it's more important to go to Brazil...per the President of the company. So I'll be telling my parents solo. Last two times were told within 3 days of finding out, so needless to say it's been TORTURE keeping this a secret.
Will let you know how it goes...I still think my parents have a hard time dealing with the fact that I DO have sex, but nevertheless they will be thrilled.
**Sitting here messing around and TOTALLY screwed up my template, back to square one!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
3 - Number of times the same toddler has deemed her shit pretty enough to not only draw on herself, but draw on my glass doors, floor, furniture and even throw a little in the shag carpet for good measure.
4 - Numbers of baths taken today (only 1 by me)
1 - Times the dog thought that poop would make a good afternoon snack only to throw it right back up on previously mentioned shag carpet.
2 - Number of loads of poopy laundry. And the fact that I already had a good 8 loads that also needed to be done, I am now way behind.
3 - Number of times Time Out has been used
0 - Number of times Time Out has been successful
25 - Number of times I've washed my hands
9,554 - Number of times I've walked to the refrigerator for a glass of wine only to realize that it's off limits for THE NEXT 9 MONTHS!
I'm seriously contemplating the duck tape to the diaper idea.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The part that really bothers me is that something similar happened to me when I was 3. I don't remember much about my early years, but I remember this day like it was yesterday. I even remember what color my outfit was. We were getting ready to leave the pool for the day, and I was walking around the outside ledge waiting for my mom. My dad was with me, close by, but I slipped and fell straight into 9 feet of water. It wasn't 2 seconds that I was under before the lifeguards got me, but to this day my biggest fear of death is drowning. It's so bad that if there's a part of a TV show or movie that includes being submerged in water, I have to turn it off to avoid being thrown into a panic. The shows where they teach you how to escape if your car were to run into water are tattooed in the back of my brain. It's also unfortunately led me to be claustrophobic. Not bad enough that it controls my life, but makes me fearful nevertheless. I'm the girl that always knows where the exit is wherever we are, bar, restaurant, sporting event, hotel...yep I'm THAT girl.
I do think she's young enough and it's not going to have any lasting effect on her, and I even put her back in that bathtub the following day and all was fine, and I did not get up to pee this time.
On a lighter note, and since I'm so bad at posting, some pics from the following days.
Not really sure what she's doing here, but she looks damn cute doing it.
At the Blue/White Scrimmage Football Game today. We stayed all of 45 minutes and it was enough to let me know that she won't be attending any football games, this year at least.
One of many days spent at the park. God I love the park. Hours and hours of play = tired, tired child. Yes I realize she looks drunk in this pic, it's a phone pic and therefore not the greatest.
This ones another shot from my phone so again not the best but I took her to my best friends son's T-Ball game and she LOVED it. Here she is with my best friends other little boy, they sat here for at least an hour straight. I was in shock.