Friday, May 23, 2008

Another hill in the rollercoaster that is my life...

I'm seriously to the point where I'm not sure if the ride will ever end.

The bottom line of the Dr. appointment goes something like this...yolk sac clear and visible, no baby in sight, come back for follow up Ultrasound in 2 weeks. According to my calculations I'm 7 weeks and 4 days, but according to them they should be able to see the baby by now. My last two pregnancies it was plain as day. So, either I have a baby that is very good at hiding, I had a really weird/long cycle and maybe ovulated at a weird time, or the baby stopped growing and isn't viable. When you are this early in a pregnancy a matter of days can mean alot on the ultrasound. He's optimistic that there is the yolk sac, and for a split second at the beginning I heard him say "that's what we're looking for," yet it was never to be seen again. Having to wait two weeks is going to be another nightmare. All I have done is wait, and here we go again.

I've spent hours this afternoon with Dr. Google, and he has been both my best friend today and my worst enemy. Bottom line is I KNOW (well according to my $150 Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor) when I ovulated and when it happened, and I suppose that I could have had a long cycle. My system hasn't been completely normal since I lost the last pregnancy. I had a couple 28 day ones, but I also had one that was 32 days. This time I tested on the morning of day 26, and again that night and the first test was non-existent and the second one clear as day. I know that those can detect hormones at least 5 days before a missed period, I'm thinking that maybe this was a long cycle month, which would have at least set me back a few days. I'm probably over rationalizing, and I know many people who thought they were a week ahead of where they were at this point and everything was fine, but with everything I've already been through, it's hard to be optimistic. I'd like to think that if he was that concerned then I wouldn't be waiting two weeks to go back, but then my negative side thinks maybe he's already expecting the worst and by then maybe I will be back in his office to confirm the end.

He did seem positive that I was still having symptoms, but wouldn't you know that even though I felt like crap this morning, I feel OK now. I'm praying for the sickness to come back...god I never thought I would say that.

**Ok so I just gagged while feeding the dog, yeah his food smells but that doesn't usually happen. Don't know if that's good or bad**

12 comments:

Jaimie said...

Oh Becca, this is crappy! What a shitty two week wait. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope there is beautiful little bud in there and next time you can see that little peanut plain as day.

Connie said...

Oh, that just sucks! I'm really hoping for the best for you & I'm keeping you in my prayers daily. Try to stay positive :) (((hugs)))

Wendy said...

UGH!! You poor thing!!

Jessica said...

Oh Becca. I'm so sorry to have you in this awful limbo state... And of course didn't you say you have nobody there with you right now? I really hope that these next few weeks zip by, and you're able to find some peace in it all... But UGH, I really just wish you didn't have to go through any of this again.
::HUGS::

Chas said...

Oh man...that stinks. I pray that it all works out!!!! Could you possibly call and beg them for an ultrasound in one week instead of two?

Lisanne said...

Praying for you.

Jesser said...

Sheeessh! I know you didn't need this. I hope all is well and I will send you all those good energies and prayers and whatever at any rate. Hang in there.

Nellie said...

Oh goodness! I'll be praying they find that little one in there at your next appt. The next two weeks will be hard I'm sure, just hang in there. Take care.

tyfamilyadventures said...

PRAYING FOR THE BEST.I HOPE THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS FLY BY.TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF...

Christy said...

I am thinking of you, and hoping for the best. I hope the next two weeks fly by!

Jen said...

Oh man. Keeping you in my good thoughts and prayers. I really hope that things work out Becca...

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. Stay positive It's totally normal to vary in your cycles. I can bump from 21 to 44 days. So, try to remain calm. I'm with you: if he was really nervous & worried, he would've done something other than tell you to wait two more weeks.