Wednesday, September 24, 2008

One year

It was one year ago today that my life as a mother changed forever. This day last year I learned that I would not be bringing two babies home, and the life of the remaining baby was hanging in the balance.

Words still cannot describe the pain I felt that day, but there was still hope that I would be bringing home one healthy baby.

Little did I know.

The memories of my pregnancy are fading, but the pain I feel over that loss is always there. I don't cry about it anymore, but I think about them and say a prayer every single day. The what if's can be overwhelming at times, but I've proven to myself that even though nothing will ever be the same again, I can and have moved on. That experience has forever changed who I am as a person, and who I am as a mother. I have more dead children than I do living ones. No one should ever have to write that.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bitchin cuz I wanna

Today has been just one of those days. One where if I would have been able to predict who would call and what would happen, I would have pulled up the covers and stayed in bed.

It started with a call I got at 8:30 from Ava's Parents Day Out teacher. Started the day off wrong, I'll go into details about it in a minute.

I want to shout out to everyone that has been affected by Ike. We had massive winds here on Sunday as a result of the storm, and for us to suffer any damage this far away pales in comparison to what some people are facing. We came home to find several sections of shingles missing from our roof. With all the problems that we've had I'm all for ripping the damn thing off and replacing it with a permanent sun light.

We had our home inspection on the old house yesterday. Just as a precaution I went over to make sure none of the smoke detectors were beeping and the air filters were clean. I pulled up to find our one and only tree in the front yard totally snapped in half. Guess it's a good thing we already sold the house.

Ava's sleeping habits and attitude are pushing me closer to the edge insanity. I was pretty close before but lately she's been completely unmanageable. So unmanageable that when I "try" to discipline her she throws her hands on her ears and rolls her eyes. I'm being played like a fiddle.

Matthew's being a total ass. PMS in rare form. I actually went to the store and made dinner tonight, for him to come home, tell me he wasn't eating it and therefore will take care of himself now. He complains if I don't cook, complains if I do. I can't win.

I left my grocery list at home, drew a complete brain fart and forgot about half of what I needed. Most importantly dog food. Ava dropped her prized blankie at the check out line at Wal-Mart. I searched all over the damn place to realize it was the last place we actually were.

I desperately want a new layout to my blog, and found the best website where you can upload cute ones for free, and I'm a complete and total idiot and apparently cannot follow directions.

A friend of mine got some bad news from a MRI he had Friday. Has a mass on his temporal lobe. Not sure what that means but he has 3 kids. He's a total turd ball but I'm putting my feelings and animosities aside and hoping and praying for the best.

Gosh I'm really whiny today.

Going back to the call from her teacher. She started last Monday, so yesterday marked her second day. Not much time in my opinion to get a feel for how a child is really going to be. She cried last week when I dropped her off. Got the report when I got her that all was fine. Dropped her off screaming yesterday, they told me not to worry about it, they could handle it and all was fine. When I picked her up both teachers said she was fine, she had some moments but nothing to worry about. She called today to tell me that Ava was indeed very hard to comfort yesterday, that she cried alot, and they don't think she's ready to stay there from the scheduled time of 9 - 2. Nothing that any mother wants to hear. I was SHOCKED. This was coming from the same mouth that at the orientation 3 weeks ago said they would a.) call if a child could not be consoled, b.) would ask the parent what to do to console the child, c.) would recommend that even if the child wasn't happy, they could handle it and would not recommend changing things unless there was an extreme circumstance. She tried to make it seem like after 2 weeks...she could determine that this is how Ava was going to be. She went to this SAME Parents Day Out last year, and I had NO complaints about her. I loved her teacher and was devastated to learn that Ava wouldn't be in her class this year. I'm at a loss as to what to do. The teacher suggested that we try her from 9 - 12 next week. That does nothing for me. I'm going to be sitting, watching the clock, wondering what's going in that classroom. I understand their concern for what's going on there and if she's disrupting then we need to figure out what to do, but after only 2 times???? I would think that when you are dealing with 2 1/2 year olds no assumptions can be made that fast. She does have a tendency to cry SOMETIMES when I drop her off in unfamiliar situations, but never for more than 5 minutes and no one ever says anything about it. Even at the orientation I didn't get a real sense of compassion from this woman, and my feelings are pushing me stronger to take her out completely. I do not want to do it. I know there are going to be times as she gets older when I get phone calls about her behavior. There are going to be times when I don't like her teachers. But we have to deal with it. They are supposed to be trained to deal with these kids. This is good for Ava, and for me but if it's going to do her more harm in the long run I'll yank her out. I have no problem doing that. Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm just being a concerned parent, something I really haven't been forced to deal with yet.

I'll continue my pity party alone, maybe with a glass, or bottle, of wine.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Most of you all probably didn't realize that we didn't sell our old house when we moved last May. We kept it empty for a while and then let a friend stay there for 2 months while he was in the midst of a divorce. It officially went on the market in February, and as of today there is a contract on it, closing set for the first week in October...AND we even made a little money in the process. We are definately not going to miss paying that mortgage! Maybe I can now convince my husband to put in a pool...hmmm.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Isn't he supposed to roll out the red carpet for me???

Ugh, I'm home. Don't take it wrong, I'm damn happy to be here but for me the first days after a vacation are rough. I missed my husband, my dog, and my cat (in that order) tremendously, but lord have mercy I have been moving non stop since we got home at 3:30. I left the house clean, it's not. I left the laundry baskets perfectly empty. They are overflowing. I left the sink clean and the dishwasher empty. They both are full Cleaning lady is coming at 8 in the morning. House is not ready. I didn't expect it to be as perfect (HA) as I left it, but it's actually not as bad as I thought. I did laugh however because the comforter on our bed is turned completely sideways! It's striped so it's easy to tell, but I guess I gotta give the guy a little credit for at least attempting to make the bed.

My sweet little princess starts back at Parents Day Out in the morning so I had to make a trip to the store to make sure her picky food needs are met. Which normally would not be a problem but there's a kid in her class with a peanut allergy so therefore nothing peanut related can be sent. She went last year but according to the orientation that I attended just before we left, this year it's a whole new ball game. So....her bag for tomorrow is packed, her lunch is ready, her cute new first day outfit is laid out (I got it in Hilton Head so no need to wash), she's bathed and in bed (THANK GOD) and mom's about to collapse. I have about 8 (not kidding, see pic below) bags to unpack and put away, dishes to load, and laundry to do. And since my computer's been a piece of you know what for 5 days, I have 5 days of pics, emails, and blogs to catch up on.

Even though no one probably really cares about the rest of my vacation, I'm going to write about it. Soon. Because there were some really good, funny, sad, and happy times and even if no one else wants to read about it, I want to make sure I can remember what I can. This is the vacation spot where I grew up, and I want to be able to share this with Ava some day.

We pack light, no?? I have an SUV, so trunk space is pretty large...ridiculous really. And that's only the back part.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Hunkering Down

Just got word from the rental office here that pretty much everything is shutting down here at 5 in order to let people get home. By 7 we should be rocking. It's still a Tropical Storm but is expected to hit Category 1 strength by the time it hits land. At this time they are predicting the center of the storm to hit about 60 miles north, but it's shifting west so we might be in for a bumpy night. We have plenty of food, water, a flashlight and even some candles that the rental office handed us and I don't feel at this time that we are in any immediate danger. With 2 kids, if I thought we were, we would have left already. My best friend's family (Andrea who is with me) used to own a condo where were staying and it survived Hugo back years ago so I definitely feel safe. We are sitting here out on the porch, watching the trees sway and admiring the white caps on the water, and in a way, this sort of excites me. I've never been part of something like this.

I'll try to post more tomorrow...will update the rest of the days from the trip either tomorrow from our hotel on the road, or at home.

If there is anyone else out there that reads this that are in the affected areas, I hope you are able to stay safe too.

Thursday, September 04, 2008


Been trying to download and update for over a day, and for some reason my computer does not want to cooperate as in when I download it tells me it is going to take 49,000 days to to id. I have many cute pics and some awesome videos but will probably have to postpone until I can get to a place that has real Internet connection.

The storm is now due to hit just north of us, so the worst that we might get is rain and wind, we haven't changed our plans and are due to leave Saturday morning. Tear. It has been wonderful and relaxing but also very exhausting dealing with these 2 little ones. I have had a great time but am also ready to get home and back to a sense of normalcy.

Will update when I can.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Beach Trip: Day 3 (Monday)

Today was the first day that we actually ventured to the beach. I honestly was a bit anxious as I wasn't sure exactly how Ava would react. She hates to have dirty feet and water splashed in her face, and unfortunately those two things go hand in hand at the beach. Thankfully we are at a part of the island that doesn't usually get much wave activity, the clarity of the water sucks but at least it's water. There were a few waves however and there actually was a bit of an undertow so we had to be a bit careful, but thankfully all went well and she's been asking to go back ever since.

There might have been a few beers involved

And there were some times where she was pissed after getting knocked down.

You would think that all that we are doing to wear them out would make them crash at naptime but NOOO. They haven't napped since we got here so right now we are dealing with two very tired and cranky moms. So what better to do than to snap pics of ourselves doing what we do best.

We walked down to the dock where they were having food and music by the water where we ate, drank and the kids danced until they wore themselves out.

Can someone PLEASE tell me how I ended up with a kid with super blonde hair and blue eyes?? I can't tell you how many people have asked A if both kids were hers. Gee people, thanks.

The postive here is that both kids were in bed asleep by 9. That's good enough for me.

**On a total side note, we should know by lunch time tomorrow if there is going to be a mandatory evacuation for the storm. We have decided that unless we have to leave, we are planning on staying. We are supposed to leave Sat. morning anyways, so if we can ride it out we will. If not, we are prepared and have rooms inland waiting for us.

Reflections, beach style

2 years ago in this very same spot two little ones took their very first vacation together.

Last night, they proved that they are, like their mommies, the best of friends. Quality is horrible, but hopefully you can see enough to get the idea. He literally took her hand and started dancing with her.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Beach Trip: Day 2 (Sunday)

As I'm sitting here , we are watching 2 dolphins frolic in the harbor behind me. Truly a fun and amazing sight. We are also keeping a close eye on what is now Hurricane Hanna as it's predicted that it might hit our area later in the week. Keep your fingers crossed that we are able to avoid this storm, but in the case that it does hit we have already booked rooms inland if we have to evacuate.

Moving on. Yesterday was pretty lazy. We got up and ran to get some last minute things that we needed, and promptly headed straight to the pool. It wasn't a long trip because we had to be back to watch UK beat the crap out of Louisville.
Nothing like a little pool and some sun, not too bad a view eh?

It took the kids FOREVER to nap yesterday, I think it was 5 before they went down and 7 before we could get them up, so we just went to the Sal.ty D.og restaurant right by the condo and hung out while the kids danced, and danced, and danced. If you ever go there, I highly recommend the BBQ shrimp. WOW, so good.
With it being Labor Day, I think we will plan on heading on over there again tonight. It's close, we can walk, there's music, food, and beverages...not sure that we can ask for anything more.
Boring post I know, more pics tomorrow!