Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Words still cannot describe the pain I felt that day, but there was still hope that I would be bringing home one healthy baby.
Little did I know.
The memories of my pregnancy are fading, but the pain I feel over that loss is always there. I don't cry about it anymore, but I think about them and say a prayer every single day. The what if's can be overwhelming at times, but I've proven to myself that even though nothing will ever be the same again, I can and have moved on. That experience has forever changed who I am as a person, and who I am as a mother. I have more dead children than I do living ones. No one should ever have to write that.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It started with a call I got at 8:30 from Ava's Parents Day Out teacher. Started the day off wrong, I'll go into details about it in a minute.
I want to shout out to everyone that has been affected by Ike. We had massive winds here on Sunday as a result of the storm, and for us to suffer any damage this far away pales in comparison to what some people are facing. We came home to find several sections of shingles missing from our roof. With all the problems that we've had I'm all for ripping the damn thing off and replacing it with a permanent sun light.
We had our home inspection on the old house yesterday. Just as a precaution I went over to make sure none of the smoke detectors were beeping and the air filters were clean. I pulled up to find our one and only tree in the front yard totally snapped in half. Guess it's a good thing we already sold the house.
Ava's sleeping habits and attitude are pushing me closer to the edge insanity. I was pretty close before but lately she's been completely unmanageable. So unmanageable that when I "try" to discipline her she throws her hands on her ears and rolls her eyes. I'm being played like a fiddle.
Matthew's being a total ass. PMS in rare form. I actually went to the store and made dinner tonight, for him to come home, tell me he wasn't eating it and therefore will take care of himself now. He complains if I don't cook, complains if I do. I can't win.
I left my grocery list at home, drew a complete brain fart and forgot about half of what I needed. Most importantly dog food. Ava dropped her prized blankie at the check out line at Wal-Mart. I searched all over the damn place to realize it was the last place we actually were.
I desperately want a new layout to my blog, and found the best website where you can upload cute ones for free, and I'm a complete and total idiot and apparently cannot follow directions.
A friend of mine got some bad news from a MRI he had Friday. Has a mass on his temporal lobe. Not sure what that means but he has 3 kids. He's a total turd ball but I'm putting my feelings and animosities aside and hoping and praying for the best.
Gosh I'm really whiny today.
Going back to the call from her teacher. She started last Monday, so yesterday marked her second day. Not much time in my opinion to get a feel for how a child is really going to be. She cried last week when I dropped her off. Got the report when I got her that all was fine. Dropped her off screaming yesterday, they told me not to worry about it, they could handle it and all was fine. When I picked her up both teachers said she was fine, she had some moments but nothing to worry about. She called today to tell me that Ava was indeed very hard to comfort yesterday, that she cried alot, and they don't think she's ready to stay there from the scheduled time of 9 - 2. Nothing that any mother wants to hear. I was SHOCKED. This was coming from the same mouth that at the orientation 3 weeks ago said they would a.) call if a child could not be consoled, b.) would ask the parent what to do to console the child, c.) would recommend that even if the child wasn't happy, they could handle it and would not recommend changing things unless there was an extreme circumstance. She tried to make it seem like after 2 weeks...she could determine that this is how Ava was going to be. She went to this SAME Parents Day Out last year, and I had NO complaints about her. I loved her teacher and was devastated to learn that Ava wouldn't be in her class this year. I'm at a loss as to what to do. The teacher suggested that we try her from 9 - 12 next week. That does nothing for me. I'm going to be sitting, watching the clock, wondering what's going in that classroom. I understand their concern for what's going on there and if she's disrupting then we need to figure out what to do, but after only 2 times???? I would think that when you are dealing with 2 1/2 year olds no assumptions can be made that fast. She does have a tendency to cry SOMETIMES when I drop her off in unfamiliar situations, but never for more than 5 minutes and no one ever says anything about it. Even at the orientation I didn't get a real sense of compassion from this woman, and my feelings are pushing me stronger to take her out completely. I do not want to do it. I know there are going to be times as she gets older when I get phone calls about her behavior. There are going to be times when I don't like her teachers. But we have to deal with it. They are supposed to be trained to deal with these kids. This is good for Ava, and for me but if it's going to do her more harm in the long run I'll yank her out. I have no problem doing that. Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm just being a concerned parent, something I really haven't been forced to deal with yet.
I'll continue my pity party alone, maybe with a glass, or bottle, of wine.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
I'll try to post more tomorrow...will update the rest of the days from the trip either tomorrow from our hotel on the road, or at home.
If there is anyone else out there that reads this that are in the affected areas, I hope you are able to stay safe too.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The storm is now due to hit just north of us, so the worst that we might get is rain and wind, we haven't changed our plans and are due to leave Saturday morning. Tear. It has been wonderful and relaxing but also very exhausting dealing with these 2 little ones. I have had a great time but am also ready to get home and back to a sense of normalcy.
Will update when I can.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
We walked down to the dock where they were having food and music by the water where we ate, drank and the kids danced until they wore themselves out.
Can someone PLEASE tell me how I ended up with a kid with super blonde hair and blue eyes?? I can't tell you how many people have asked A if both kids were hers. Gee people, thanks.
The postive here is that both kids were in bed asleep by 9. That's good enough for me.
**On a total side note, we should know by lunch time tomorrow if there is going to be a mandatory evacuation for the storm. We have decided that unless we have to leave, we are planning on staying. We are supposed to leave Sat. morning anyways, so if we can ride it out we will. If not, we are prepared and have rooms inland waiting for us.
Last night, they proved that they are, like their mommies, the best of friends. Quality is horrible, but hopefully you can see enough to get the idea. He literally took her hand and started dancing with her.