Friday, November 16, 2007

Closure sucks and it hurts like hell

I just wanted to let everyone know that our precious baby girl was born sleeping on Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 3:48 PM, weighing in at 10.2 ounces and 9.5 inches long. We fought for her until the very end, and she never stopped fighting but the odds were stacked against us as what little fluid I was producing was leaking at an alarming pace and no matter what we could have done, she could not survive outside my belly. This has proven to be more painful than anything we could have imagined.

For my own sanity I need to write everything down, and I want to share it all...but I've had a total of 5 hours of sleep in 2 days days and let's face it..I can't make sense of it all right now. I am hurting in ways that I can't explain, so I am going to try this weekend to detail a post worthy enough of the events that happened, but please bear with me as I desperately try to get my feelings on paper in the manner that I truly feel them.

47 comments:

mumof4 said...

I so feel for you. Hope you heal physically and stay strong emotionally. Prayers are with you

Anth said...

I am so sorry. I am praying for you.

connie said...

Oh No, Becca~I'm SO very sorry. I Know the pain you're going thru because I've went thru it myself & it's the WORST experience anyone can go thru. I'm praying for you, Matthew & Ava & your whole family as you go thru this.

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

Amanda said...

My heart hurts for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

(((hugs)))

Bug's mama said...

Oh Becca, my heart hurts for you so bad. I am sure your sweet baby girl was so beautiful.

Erica said...

I'm so sorry.I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Chas said...

Oh Becca, I am so so sorry. I've been thinking of you a lot. You are always in my prayers.

Emmakirst said...

I am so sorry Becca for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

foodiechickie said...

I'm so sorry for you and your family. You're in my thoughts.

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Jen said...

ugh. Right there is some tact, no?

Anyway, I am so VERY sorry to read this, Becca. My heart aches for you and M. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

TEACHBROECK said...

My heart is crying as well. My God bless you with some rest and peace.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, Becca, I'm so sorry. Our prayers are with you Matthew, Ava & your little girl.

Whitney said...

Hi, honey. Just know I'm here, ok?

Lisanne said...

There are just no words. I am *so* very sorry, Becca. I will be saying prayers for you tonight before I fall asleep. I hope that you'll have some comfort somehow throughout all of this. I'm sure that your baby girl was *so* beautiful and precious. I simply cannot imagine what you're going through. How painful (and that's an understatement). My deepest, sincerest sympathies. :(

Kirsten said...

My heart sank when reading your post...I just cannot imagine. Sending many prayers your way; take your time to grieve your loss.

Jesser said...

Tears. There are no words. I am so so so sorry.

ohio blue eyes said...

take your time becca, we are here for you.

AM said...

I am so so sorry. I can not even imagine...

Erin said...

I am so incredibly sorry...

Holly said...

I'm so sorry, hon.

Summer said...

So sorry!!!

Jaimie said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.

Catwoman said...

I am devastated for the three of you. No matter how bad and sad you might feel, just remember that you fought for that baby girl when many gave up on her.

I'm sending you hugs.

meg said...

Becca, I'm so sorry. I came to check in on you after being away all week. I was praying for a different outcome.

Take good care of yourself--I know how difficult this is. When you're ready to write we'll all be here to listen.

Wabi said...

Here from Meg's. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Birdie said...

Becca, oh am just so sorry. SO SORRy!
I am thinking of you...and sending support and love.

C. said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. So very sorry...

charmedgirl said...

jesus christ when will things have a good outcome. i am so angry for you. and so sorry for your precious loss. god f*cking damn it.

heather said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. It is so hard and so draining.

Please take time for yourself and your family right now. Spend time together, even if it is just sitting around. Cry whenever you want to, even if it is all day. Hug and laugh and smile too, because you will get through this.

Get lots of sleep, and reach out when you need to. Those of us who have lost as well are here for you, no matter what.

Beruriah said...

Here from Meg's.

Becca, I am so so sorry. I am sorry for this pain and I wish I had more than futile words of empathy to offer.

Tash said...

Also here from Meg's. Becca, I'm so devestated for you and your family. You'd think I could get through a story like this all stony faced anymore, but I can't. It just kills me.

wannabe mom said...

i'm here via meg...here to offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family. this really sucks and i'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Lori said...

I am sorry, Becca, that you are faced with such loss.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

niobe said...

I'm thinking of you and your family. There sometimes seems to be no end to the ability of this world to break your heart.

Amelie said...

also via Meg's Blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there was anything I could say to help, to take away some of the pain...

ella said...

I am so very, very sorry.

Bon said...

Becca, i'm also here from Meg's for the first time...and just read back through the archives, getting to know the story of the twins and especially this little girl. i'm so, so sorry.

The Town Criers said...

I am so so sorry, Becca.

kate said...

Came over from meg's...i just wanted to say that i am very very sorry.

Midwest Texan said...

becca - I'm so sorry about the loss of your babies. My prayers are with you.

Kristen said...

I came from Lost and Found and wanted to send my sincerest condolensces. I am so deeply sorry for your losses.

XOXO

Journeywoman said...

I'm so sorry for your losses. I will be thinking of you.

Michell said...

I'm so sorry.

Searching said...

I am so very sorry. You are in my prayers.

Ashleigh said...

I am so very sorry. I wish there were some words I could say that would ease some of your pain but I know only too well that there are none. I'll be holding you and your family in my heart.