Because honestly, I don't have much of anything positive to say. I've been in a never ending whirlwind of something new, and I just want a break from it all.
1. I'm tired of cleaning up dog shit. I could remedy that by taking the dog to the vet but that would constitute taking a shower and leaving the house.
2. I'm tired of listening to my husband bitch because he doesn't have any clean socks or underwear. He's 38, knows where the washing machine is, he isn't pregnant and is more than capable of doing his own laundry.
3. I'm also tired of husband bitching because I might have "accidentally" forgotten to check his dress pants pocket and missed a tube of chap stick that has now ruined them. The only thing I check pants for is money. Again, old enough and plenty capable of washing them himself.
4. I'm tired of feeling like my head is going to implode on itself every time I move.
5. I'm tired of coughing every 2 - 3 minutes which also makes head feel like it's going to implode.
6. I'm tired of taking pills to relieve the things that ail me.
7. I'm tired of gagging every time I take a pill.
8. I'm tired of feeling inadequate as a mother because I just don't have the energy to do the things I need to do with her.
9. I'm tired of leaving it up to my parents to take her because I never know when Matthew is going to be home.
10. I'm tired of cancelling play dates, and walks and doing things I want to do just because that would entail taking a shower and that just takes too much energy.
11. I'm tired of having no appetite. Eating has become as stressful for me as being a mom. I'm having a harder time eating now then when I was in the throes of morning sickness (which still hasn't COMPLETELY gone away either)
12. I'm tired of taking out my frustrations on everyone and everything around me. It's not fair for my husband, child and dog to suffer just because I am.
13. I'm tired of complaining but that's all I feel like I doing.
14. I'm tired of my house being a mess. (I know, I know...it's a minor thing but I'm a neat freak.)
15. I'm tired of listening to my husband bitch about the kitty litter that's on the floor. AGAIN, big boy knows where the vacuum is and is perfectly capable of doing it himself. I am after all the one who is cleaning the litter box out even though I'm not supposed to and he knows that.
16. I'm tired of getting an average of 5 hours of sleep a night. Yes, I'm fully aware that you aren't supposed to sleep good during pregnancy but at this point I should be at least comfortable enough to get some good hours. Not so much. I think the same person who hit me in the head with a sledgehammer must have thought it would be funny to hit me in the back too.
17. I'm tired of listening to my husband complain about having a sore neck because he needs a new pillow. Bite me, seriously, bite me.
18. I'm tired of crying at the drop of a pin. Damn hormones are sending me over the edge this time.
Ok I'm done bitching. And before you start thinking that my husband is an awful person, he's not. He's really not. He works really hard so that I don't have to, and I love him with all my heart for that. He also has a son that needs his attention just as much as we do. He just seems to be an easy target to take this out on. I read so many blogs where the husband is so hands on, and is a great dad and I'm not saying that Matthew isn't, he's just not around as much as I would like and about 90% of the time I feel like I'm raising her alone. Most weekends are spent doing things with his 13 year old son, and alot of nights he gets home late due to business meetings. So I am home with her alot, and that's why I send her off to my parents to spend the night so much because right now I just can't handle her by myself all the time. Tonight I cried when my dad said he was bringing her home because I was secretly hoping that she could stay one more night. How awful of a mom does that make me????
Secondly, I'm probably really emotional right now too because I started bleeding Friday night. Not heavy, and nothing that seems to be of any concern right now, but nevertheless when I noticed it Friday night it scared the shit out of me and I got about 0 hours of sleep. Per Dr's orders I am supposed to wear pads to track the amount, call them back if it gets heavy like a period or start cramping and do AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. Now someone tell me how that's going to happen when I'm home alone with my child???? Matthew knows all of this too and I guess he's not as worried as me. Every little twinge I feel down there freaks me out, and all of a sudden in my head my brain is telling me that no appetite probably means I'm not pregnant anymore. I know, I know...things would be happening if that were the case. Right now I would give anything for a flutter, kick, anything to let me know that things are OK. I'm thinking he's probably going to call me tomorrow to come in, and if he does it will be the greatest thing to peak my mood, and if he doesn't I might just call them because I can't wait another two weeks to see what's going on.
So that's it for now. I promise the next post will be upbeat because I've been nominated by two lovely ladies for two special awards and I want to thank them for that.
**As of this morning, the bleeding appears to have stopped. Apparently the bitching gods were listening last night and decided to grant me some wishes because my neverending headache is a little better too. And it's taken me almost 30 minutes to eat a biscuit so I see all of that as a good sign. I called and left a message for the nurse at the Drs office letting her know things were better, so they may or may not want me to come in. And I THINK, THINK I might have felt a small flutter this morning when I was laying in bed. I'm sure it was probably a gas bubble because it's still sort of early, but hey a girl can dream right?? **