He's getting old!

Today's Matthew's birthday. I probably shouldn't post how old he is but I'm gonna anyway because I like to rub it in. He's one away from the big 4-0 so this time next year I'll be planning a killer bash.

Here is Ava singing Happy Birthday to him on the phone this morning, she got super bashful and quiet and she did better in person but it's too cute not to post. And yes I sound like a retard. I HATE my voice.

Happy Birthday baby!

Disturbed

I came across this photo tonight while bored on the net...and unless she's just a total freak of nature (which just might happen to one married to T.om C.ruise), there is no way that this belly is legit. It supposedly was taken in April 2006 right before she had Su.ri but come one, that is foolin nobody. I'd give anything to take a peek at the pillow/belly under that shirt.

If you DID look like this when you were 9 months pregnant, I will pay you paparazzi money for the excusive rights to your pics.

Bullet briefs...

Just hopping on here to do a quick post. My parents have Ava tonight, so I am going to take full advantage, get some wine (or beer) pop in a movie and hit the bed early.

• Last weeks sickness was in a nutshell my own personal hell. I sucked it up on Tuesday and went to the Doctor. No great revelations, I was told it was either a virus or some type of food poisoning which I already knew but dammit I wanted drugs. And what did she give me? Phen.ergen. I already have a lifetime supply of that. You can buy it on the internet cheaper than you can get it with insurance. Through some rather unpleasant tests they ruled out food poisoning. It was definitely a virus, and of course I was told to treat it symptomatically and wait it out. I don't want to get into the gross details of it all but it took me an entire week and 7 pounds later before I started feeling better. I still don't have much of an appetite, but at least now I can actually look at food without feeling like I'm gonna barf.
• That Jimmy Buffet concert that I had been looking to for months???? Didn't go. IToo sick to go and I'm still pissed about it.
• I have yet to get my period which I think is strange 6 weeks past D&C and a full month of BC later. No I am not pregnant. I've tested, negative, and I'm relieved.
• I leave for vacation 5 weeks from tomorrow with Ava, my best friend and her 2 year old. I cannot be more excited. I need to get the hell out of here. I'll miss the hubbs but I need my girl time too.
• Having someone else clean my house is totally worth sacrificing money I would have spent elsewhere.
• I got addicted to Legally Blonde The Musical: The Seach for Elle Woods on MTV. I am ashamed to admit it. I am also ashamed to admit my other summer TV addictions.
• My husband hasn't realized that fixing household items is not his forte'. Many of you remember when he fell through the ceiling in the bedroom a few months back. Well he got back home Saturday afternoon after being on a plane all night from Brazil, and right away he decided it was a good idea to have a few beers and then replace all of the flood lights around the outside of our house. They have been burnt out for over a year so one more day wouldn't have been a big deal. As he went to change the last one he knocked against a wasp nest, and instead of taking it like a man and risk the chance of a sting, he jumped off a 6 foot ladder. And therefore here is where we spent part of our Saturday night...doesn't he look happy to see me?

• Nothing broken thankfully, just a sprain and some ligament damage, but nevertheless he's doped up on Vico.din, has to use crutches and to top it off he now has a nasty sinus infection. To say he's been pleasant to be around would be the understatement of the year.
• A very good friend of mine has been talking/texting a very famous boy bander for a few months, and she told me today that he called her last night inviting her to come to LA this weekend for a private CD screening, and then she's staying at his house. I'm not going to put it out on the blog, but if curiosity gets the best of you...leave me your email in the comment section (if I don't already have it) and I'll spill it.

Sick

I actually wanted to talk/bitch about the sleeping problems that Ava has had lately, but that's going to have to wait because moi? Sick. The achy, feverish, gastrointestinal kind, and to say that I've enjoyed it would be a gross understatement. It sort of started last night after dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, I chalked it up to nerves and anxiety as Matthew was on a plane to Brazil and wasn't due in until after 1:00 AM. Then this morning I just felt off. I was up bright and early because I needed to get the mutt to the kennel so I could anxiously await my new cleaning lady's arrival! Ironic how I planned for her to come while Matthew was out of town don't ya think? Anyhoo, I had already made plans for my mom to get Ava because I knew if she didn't, she would be all up in cleaning lady's way. So while my upstairs was becoming spotless, I was holed up in the basement on the couch and I didn't leave it until cleaning lady left at 4, and then I resorted to the bed where I've been every since. I'm desperately waiting on someone to bring me soup, water and Sprite, but as of about 30 minutes ago the little one started vomiting too. I'm totally heartbroken that she's not with me and she feels like crap, but with Matthew gone I've been told by my mom to stay put. For once I don't care that there isn't someone here to take care of me, I just wish I was the one holding her instead of her grandma.

The good news about all of this is that my house looks amazing...cleaning lady has been hired to come every 4 weeks. I was also really planning on starting my diet today, and because I haven't put anything in my body that didn't taste like cardboard, I should be well on my way to that first week goal of 4 pounds.

The bad? This shit (pardon the expression) better vacate it's premises in time for Buffet on Thursday. The really bad? I don't have a babysitter as all of my sitters are going to the concert with me...must work on mother in law pronto.

Happy 4th...

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy 4th of July....we might just get crazy and drink some beer 'round these parts.

Well I WAS doing okay...

That was until today. Oh hi, I'm back! I had my follow up from my D&C today, it was supposed to be last week but I called and changed it. I had big weekend plans and I knew I would be thinking about the results of the genetic testing so I waited until today. I'm not sure I made the right decision. From the moment I walked into the Dr's office it was not like most of my visits. The receptionist called me by my first name before I even signed in (which they NEVER do), and then they proceeded to tell me that he "neglected" to inform them that he had an emergency C-Section. I wasn't sure that emergency sections were "planned" but whatever. I sat down, enjoyed the quiet time by myself, and hoped that the woman and baby he was operating on was okay. I've never waited more than a half an hour when I've been there, and it was probably only 5 minutes after sitting there that I heard him enter the back of the office. The other doctor wasn't in today so I knew it had to be mine. I was promptly called back by the nurse, who for the first time showed a cold side to me. No chit chat, not even normal questions. All she said asked me was if I had anything in particular I wanted to talk to him about, and what medications I had been taking. I was taken aback by that one as she's never asked me that, but I'm thinking that because the scaled showed a 7 pound weight gain since I was last there three weeks ago I MUST be taking something. I really haven't gained 7 pounds. I've weighed myself every day since and even after eating all day I didn't weigh that much more. If I haven't told you already, I don't understand why doctors offices STILL use the metal slide scales. I think I should introduce them to Mr. Digital. I mean a few ounces can be the deal breaker on a pound.

Anyway, new paragraph, moving on. By the time he finally came in about 30 minutes later, I had the lovely pleasure of hearing at least one strong fetal heartbeat in the room next door, which really was enough to send me running, but since I was half naked from the waist down I figured that might not be the best idea. I could tell that he wasn't himself. Not that I "know" him, but I've been in there enough and have had enough conversations to feel comfortable on more than just a patient level. Everything was cut and dry, he was very much the "Dr." this time. One thing that shocked me was that I had to ask him for the test results. He didn't have them. He said he had thought about them, but that doesn't mean much to me. I wanted to walk in there and know why I lost this baby. Either my body failed me, or something was wrong and I wanted to know. I didn't get that answer. Instead I got the question of whether or not I wanted more prenatal vitamins and go after baby # whatever it is now, or contraception. I was told before my D&C three weeks ago that I should take a break. My body and my mind needed time to heal. It just seemed like something wasn't right. Then it was time for the exam, and all went well, almost. I was due for the annual cervix swab and he even mentioned it until I heard his nurse and him whisper back and forth that my insurance won't cover it. WTF!!! I have good insurance, and this is what I would consider preventative care so why in the hell was I not allowed to have one??? Mind you, I don't personally enjoy having that part of my body probed but I'm pretty sure I would like to know that all is still well and healthy down there. I never got an answer on that either. He told me that he would get the results, call me later and sent me out with a bag full of birth control samples as if nothing in the past 9 months had happened. If that were my first visit to the doctor I would not see him again. I am wondering what happened in that STAT C-Section. Was he just having a bad day, or did something bad happen. You never know. Yes they are doctors and unfortunately they do see the bad sides to pregnancy, but I wonder how if/when a doctor loses a baby during deliver they are able to go on about their day as if nothing happened. I'm not saying that happened...it just makes you wonder.

Anyhoo I picked up Ava and went to the store, and apparently sometime while I was there he called and I missed it. Again, it just wasn't like him on the voicemail. First off, I am SURPRISED that he left the results of the test on a voicemail. Normally he would call and either have me call him or he would call me back later. Results were that baby did have an abnormal karyotype, which he called the most common abnormality in miscarried fetuses. Does that make me feel any better? I don't know. I still don't know iwhether I would rather have a miscarraige because there was something wrong with the baby, or something wrong with my body. My first twin had a chromosome abnormality, and now having two makes things scary. Even if what happened to the last baby was "common" it doesn't help things. From what I understand it was missing an additional sex karyotype, but most babies with this are genotypically female. If you are counting, that's not only 3 babies that I have lost, but 3 girls. The 1% with this abnormality survive but will not reach puberty, and therefore will not be able to have children. What worries/bothers me the most is my first twin had something called Turner Syndrome which only affects females, and has similar characteristics. He says I'm reading too much into it, that because we have healthy children (his son, and of course Ava) we shouldn't worry. And I want to believe him, but it's hard not to. I'm going to a perinatal loss meeting tomorrow that deals with recurrent miscarriages and I'm hoping someone else has some light to shed on this. In the meantime, the baby factory has closed, and I'm not sure when/if it will open again.

Right now I just want some time to get my life and my sex life back, and not be consumed with getting/staying pregnant. It might happen again, and it might not. The bottom line is I have alot to be thankful for already.

Not much to say

Thanks to everyone who sent comments over the weekend. Baby measured right at 9 weeks, but after 2 ultrasounds it was determined that it didn't have a heartbeat. My D&C is scheduled for Tuesday morning and I've decided to have genetic testing done just in case. I don't have words to describe how I'm feeling. I'm totally broken. I cannot believe this has happened to me again.

I'm taking an indefinite break. And I might take a break from reading/commenting as I just don't have the energy to handle things right now. I need to focus all of my energy on being the best parent I can to Ava. Reality is sinking is that she might just be the only child we ever have. I've had 2 pregnancies/2 losses in less than 7 months and I need to give my body and my mind time to heal, and even then I'm not sure I'll be ready to do it again.

Thanks to everyone who's been praying for us during all of this.

More, more, more

More questions, more questions!

Chas asked if Ava had been a boy, what was his name to be? Why did you choose it? Also, any names in mind for this new baby?

For boy names we had it narrowed to Owen. Matthew liked the name Wyatt but for a few years now (and still today) I have had a dream where I had a little boy named Owen. I'm not sure where it came from, as I don't have any family members by that name nor do I know anyone. It stuck with me and to this day I still love that name. Ava's name actually came to us pretty easy. I remember early in my pregnancy reading about how Mar.tina Mc.Bride had named her third child Ava Rose and I just LOVED it. We've always known that our first girl would have Rose as her middle name. It's my middle name and it's my grandmother's name, and I just thought Ava Rose really fit together. We were also sort of toying around with Olivia, and the final decision wasn't actually made until I was in the delivery room, but I think we always knew that was what it was going to be. As for new baby...I think we both hesitate to even think about it right now. Obviously the last time we named a child the result wasn't what we wanted, so I think we will really settle and talk about it once we get past the 20 week ultrasound...which seems SO long away!!

If anyone thinks of anything else, keep them coming!

A few random things. I'm FINALLY going to see Sex a.nd the C.ity tonight. I was supposed to go Friday but when my friends told me they were going to the 10:40 showing, I politely bailed as that's way past my bedtime!

I go back to the Dr. on Friday, so think good thoughts. Obviously I'm hoping the pregnancy is still there (no doubts in my mind that it's not), but mostly I'm hoping I'm 9 weeks where I think I am as opposed to a week or so behind. Another week added to this trimester would seem like an eternity. I'll post as soon as I can...

You asked, I answer

So naturally I'm about 2 weeks late on this, but here goes:

Lisanne asked me:

1. First why my font was so tiny? To be honest I don't know! Something happened to my original template and I haven't had time to go back and find a new one that I like...but I promise I will or I will send you up some reading glasses! He He
2. When you're feeling anxious, stressed out, worried, etc., what helps you relax, unwind, and calm down? When I can I do take baths, but it's rare so alot of times I'll just pop in a movie that I know will make me laugh, and drink a glass of wine (when I'm not pregnant of course)
3. Where did you go to college? And what did you study? What was your first job out of college? I started at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green where I studied Elementary Education. After 2 years I transferred back home to the University of Kentucky and was the director of an After School Program at a Day Care and quickly learned that teaching was NOT for me. I ended up changing my major to Hospitality Management and after 6 LONG years in college I finally graduated in 2000. Right out of college I interviewed to be a Flight Attendant, basically it was my way of prolonging getting a job as long as possible. After several rounds of interviews, and learning more than I needed to about how crappy the first couple years can be, I decided against it and took a job at a company called All.tech as an Event Coordinator. I loved it, but left after 3 years for personal reasons which I will describe later.
4. If I had an entire afternoon to myself, what would I do? Well thanks to the help of my wonderful parents, I actually get these quite often. I take the "day off" so I can get my house cleaned and laundry done but I usually end up curling up on the couch and watching movies. I could watch movies all day long.

Connie asked:

1. How did you & Matthew meet & was it "love at first sight"? This is is sort of a continuation of Lisanne's question. Matthew and I met at our company Christmas party in 2001, and ironically neither of us was supposed to even be there that night. He got back from a business trip a day early, and I was supposed to be out of town but my trip got cancelled. He and I worked in different departments, different buildings and while I had heard his name, I had no idea who he was until that night. I definitely wouldn't call it love at first sight :-) But let me just say that a group of people went out afterwards to a bar, there was some drinking involved, he was paying loads of attention to me, and I of course fell for it. I actually was sort of dating someone else at the time, and I attempted to "use" Matthew to make the other guy jealous, however I ended up realizing that I had much stronger feelings for Matthew and the other guy was history. It took me a long time to really get that relationship with him because we had hurdles to overcome, mainly the fact that he had been married before and he had a son. It was hard to penetrate that wall that he had because he had been hurt really bad before and was trying to make sure I was "worth it" before going down that road again. When we finally made the decision, one of us had to leave the company in order for the relationship to advance further. I made it easy and quit. He had been there 9 years and it made no sense for me to stay. It was time for me to move on anyways.
2. What is your most favorite aspect of motherhood? Gosh so many things, but mainly just seeing this little product of us running around. Nobody could have prepared me for the love that I have for that little girl. She cracks me up and continues to amaze me each day.

AFF asked:

1. When you were little, what did you think you'd be when you grew up? How many dates did it take for you to figure out Matthew was the one? Did you know before the ultrasound Ava would be a girl? When I was little, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer. I'm not sure why, I never was good at arguing and I usually lost the battles, but I guess since my father was a lawyer and then a judge I wanted to try and follow in his footsteps. But really it just depended on what day it was. I remember a time when I wold change my mind daily, but the lawyer one definitely sticks out. Second question, I'm not really sure how long it took for me to know he was the one. I think I hesitated to think that to myself because early on in our relationship he used to tell me that he would never get married again, so I probably put up a wall of thinking that just in case. It took him over a year to tell me that he loved me, but it was pretty clear at that point that he was it! As for the ultrasound, I honestly thought she was going to be a boy. I'm thinking I might have had some boy dreams but all of the "old wives tales" pointed to girl so I'm not sure where my boy thinking came from. We actually weren't even 100% sure she was a girl because they couldn't get her to spread her legs, but I guess it's a good thing she was since we got greedy and bought lots of pink stuff.

Jen was dying to know the following:

1. What are your favorites: color, flower, band/singer, movie, tv show Favorite color is pink, favorite flower is peonies...love the way they smell, favorite band/singer is a tough one. Of all time probably Journey or George Strait, current fave might be Carrie Underwood. I really go through phases depending on what time of the year it is, but I can actually sit and listen to her whole CD without flipping through songs. I'm really in the country phase right now.
2. Are you a jeans n tee type of girl? Or are you the dressier type? Honestly I'm more of a sweats and tee type of girl. I do like dressing up because it actually makes me feel like an adult other than just a mommy with food on my shirt, but when I get home I can't wait to throw the sweats and tee back on.
3. What turns you on about Matthew the most? The way he is as a father, and the way he works so hard so that I can stay home and raise Ava. I think that's one thing that really drew me to him when we were dating. It was hard for me to cope with the fact that he had a son, but seeing him as a father already made me realize how great he would be if we ever had children of our own.
4. What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? Favorite toy? Do you remember that show "Jabberjaw?" I remember coming home from church and going straight for the TV to watch it. Weird now that I think about it, but I did love it. Favorite toy would have to be anything Barbie. I had them all, and all of the accessories to go along with it.
5. What do you enjoy about being pregnant? That's a hard one since I'm not technically enjoying it right now! But the thing that I loved most about my pregnancy with Ava was the movement, and getting to know her personality before anyone else could. I knew way back then she was going to be a laid back baby and she was. I really was sad the day she was born because she no longer belonged to just me. As moms we have such amazing bonds with these little humans, and it's hard to share! I'm really trying to enjoy every moment this time, because this one is our last. :-( Boo hoo.
6. What is your favorite thing about Ava? So many things! I love the way she laughs, I love how she sometimes walks around with her eyes closed and laughs when she bumps into stuff, I love how she gets excited when she sees her daddy's car pull up in the driveway, I love it when she tells me that she loves me...even thought I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what it means, I love the way she giggles and squeals at the dog when he barks at her, I love that her favorite outfit usually includes no clothes but always shoes, and I love the fact that her favorite phrase right now is "Ava's stinkin cute," but mostly I just love it that she's mine.
7. Is she more like you, or her Daddy? This one is easy. She looks just like him and is stubborn and dramatic just like me!

Is that all you ever wanted to know and more???

Here with a Vengence

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Mine you ask?? Spent gracefully on the couch. That way I can continuously pop in DVD after DVD to entertain my child, yet I'm close enough to the bathroom. I'm no longer thinking about the negatives of Friday's appointment, because if the past 3 days are any indication, all is more than well in my uterus. It started last week, but since Saturday it's been here in full force. It all started with my ill choice of Chinese food for lunch. I can't tell you how many times I've told my husband that no matter how much I beg for it when I'm pregnant, DON'T BRING IT HOME. It does not sit well with me ever, period. So after lunch I proceeded to head to the movies and dinner with some friends. There was a span of about 7 hours where I didn't eat, the $6.00 tub of popcorn at the movies didn't count. By the time we finally ate it was well after 7:00 and I was done. As my one friend told me I went from fine to green in about 2 seconds. Not sure that I'll be craving Mexican food any time soon as it's been downhill since then. I'm now waking up sick in the middle of the night, something I remember doing with both Ava's pregnancy and the twin one. So in my mind?? Right on track.

My hormones are out of control, my husband is pissing me off, I'm crying at movies that aren't supposed to be sad, and I'm being hard on my toddler for things she can't control. I'm just sort of at the end of my rope. I don't handle it well when I'm sick and as I'm laying here on the couch she's jumping repeatedly beside me and doing belly flops on my stomach. She's trying to play and I'm getting on her for doing it. For once I just want to be the one that sleeps in on a Saturday, and then is able to take a leisurely nap in the fternoon but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Enough of that, as crappy as I feel, I'm sort of thankful that I don't feel good as we all know that is usually a good sign. I'm planning on calling my Dr. to get him to call me something in. I personally can't function like this. I'm the whiniest sick person, and even though I wanted to keep pills to a minimum this time, I feel that it's a necessary thing to get me through the next few weeks. I have things to do and places to go and I can't live my life on the couch. Ava doesn't deserve that.

Now would someone please just tell me to shut up and quit bitching...

Another hill in the rollercoaster that is my life...

I'm seriously to the point where I'm not sure if the ride will ever end.

The bottom line of the Dr. appointment goes something like this...yolk sac clear and visible, no baby in sight, come back for follow up Ultrasound in 2 weeks. According to my calculations I'm 7 weeks and 4 days, but according to them they should be able to see the baby by now. My last two pregnancies it was plain as day. So, either I have a baby that is very good at hiding, I had a really weird/long cycle and maybe ovulated at a weird time, or the baby stopped growing and isn't viable. When you are this early in a pregnancy a matter of days can mean alot on the ultrasound. He's optimistic that there is the yolk sac, and for a split second at the beginning I heard him say "that's what we're looking for," yet it was never to be seen again. Having to wait two weeks is going to be another nightmare. All I have done is wait, and here we go again.

I've spent hours this afternoon with Dr. Google, and he has been both my best friend today and my worst enemy. Bottom line is I KNOW (well according to my $150 Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor) when I ovulated and when it happened, and I suppose that I could have had a long cycle. My system hasn't been completely normal since I lost the last pregnancy. I had a couple 28 day ones, but I also had one that was 32 days. This time I tested on the morning of day 26, and again that night and the first test was non-existent and the second one clear as day. I know that those can detect hormones at least 5 days before a missed period, I'm thinking that maybe this was a long cycle month, which would have at least set me back a few days. I'm probably over rationalizing, and I know many people who thought they were a week ahead of where they were at this point and everything was fine, but with everything I've already been through, it's hard to be optimistic. I'd like to think that if he was that concerned then I wouldn't be waiting two weeks to go back, but then my negative side thinks maybe he's already expecting the worst and by then maybe I will be back in his office to confirm the end.

He did seem positive that I was still having symptoms, but wouldn't you know that even though I felt like crap this morning, I feel OK now. I'm praying for the sickness to come back...god I never thought I would say that.

**Ok so I just gagged while feeding the dog, yeah his food smells but that doesn't usually happen. Don't know if that's good or bad**

Fart...

I just spent 30 minutes typing out my answers to the questions...and since Blogger deemed them not worthy to post I just lost my whole entry. Fart. I do not have the mind strength to do it again so I'll try tomorrow. Until then, I'm off to my Dr. in the morning, let's hope all goes well.

AND, the sickness has surfaced. The ironic thing is mornings are actually the easiest part of my day. It usually hits around lunchtime and just gets progressively worse until I'm asleep. Not as bad as last time by far, but gosh I was hoping to catch a small break. I'll get through it, I'm just definately not as chipper as I was a week ago. And the orange juice that I so feverishly craved last time??? Gone...it has been replaced by some minty/oreo pie that I found. Just what my thighs needed. I expect a full on weight lecture in the AM.

Will post again tomorrow when I can.

Because I know you really wanna know....

Because my brain has completely farted out on me as of late, I seriously cannot think of anything to write about. Sure we've had things going on, but when I sit down and try to type it out, it is so boring that it puts me to sleep. Okay so everything puts me to sleep right now but in order to spare you one of THOSE kinds of posts until my brain starts to function at a normal level again, I'm opening up this one to you.

I've never done one like this before, so it's your time to ask me questions. Anything you want to know, just ask. I'm dying to know what you all want to know about me.

I'm waiting......

Time for a quick commercial break...EDITED

Sorry for the lack of posting...having major server/router issues and therefore Internet won't work (posting from a friends right now). My brother AKA major computer geek is supposed to be coming over tomorrow to fix/transfer some things out so hope to be back in business then.

On a side note, (and totally more for my benefit than yours)

Pregnancy related issues:

• Sore boobs (but not sure if that's from them actually being sore or them being sore from me poking them all day to see if they are sore)
• Tired, no EXHAUSTED. Sort of remember being this tired with Ava, but not with the twins. Her nap time can never come soon enough for me.
• Feel good other than that. By this point in my last pregnancy I was doped up with 2 anti-nausea medications, so hopefully that's a good sign, but I'm sure I just jinxed myself in saying that so I'll go ahead and make sure toilets are clean.
• Smells are starting to become stronger, but nothing really that bothers me...yet. Again, full force gagging was in effect by now with the last pregnancy. Just the smell of my house made me gag.
• First Dr. appointment is May 23...and NO ONE from my family will be here to celebrate in the joy. Matthew is on a 4 day fishing trip and mom and dad will be in FL. Boo.
• Speaking of family, we still haven't told anyone yet. I was really wanting to wait until after the appointment, but since my parents will be gone, we decided to go ahead and do it on Sunday. Things would have worked out perfectly however Matthew just found out TODAY that he is probably going to Brazil on Sunday. He was supposed to leave for Canada on Monday, but now they think it's more important to go to Brazil...per the President of the company. So I'll be telling my parents solo. Last two times were told within 3 days of finding out, so needless to say it's been TORTURE keeping this a secret.

Will let you know how it goes...I still think my parents have a hard time dealing with the fact that I DO have sex, but nevertheless they will be thrilled.

**Sitting here messing around and TOTALLY screwed up my template, back to square one!

It's in the numbers

3 - Number of times toddler has shit her pants today.

3 - Number of times the same toddler has deemed her shit pretty enough to not only draw on herself, but draw on my glass doors, floor, furniture and even throw a little in the shag carpet for good measure.

4 - Numbers of baths taken today (only 1 by me)

1 - Times the dog thought that poop would make a good afternoon snack only to throw it right back up on previously mentioned shag carpet.

2 - Number of loads of poopy laundry. And the fact that I already had a good 8 loads that also needed to be done, I am now way behind.

3 - Number of times Time Out has been used

0 - Number of times Time Out has been successful

25 - Number of times I've washed my hands

9,554 - Number of times I've walked to the refrigerator for a glass of wine only to realize that it's off limits for THE NEXT 9 MONTHS!

I'm seriously contemplating the duck tape to the diaper idea.

Because I'm not really good at keeping secrets...

Top one taken 2 hours ago, bottom taken 12 hours ago. BIG difference.

Quick Prayer Request

The father of one of my very best and oldest friends collapsed last night and is currently on a respirator. He is having continual seizures and is not expected to make it through the next 24 hours. If you could say a quick prayer for my friend and her family. She will not get a chance to say an official goodbye and is undoubtedly having a hard time dealing. Most of you probably remember how we almost lost my dad last year, so I am only trying to imagine what she is going through.

Thanks

Why I'll never win "Mother of the Year"

The other day I put Ava in the bathtub in our bathroom, she needed a bath and I needed to clean so I figured it was a win/win situation. She's taken a bath in there before, and other than the fact that it's shaped different and quite a bit larger I wasn't worried about her. She was always in my view. I peeled off for a minute to pee, (the toilet is a mere 5 feet from the tub, but in a separate room ) I didn't hear the splashing that I had heard before, and as soon as I peeked out my heart dropped. She was thrashing around, under water. The image that will haunt me is her eyes wide open, her mouth gasping for air, and her arms and legs trying to get to get to a position where she could support herself. I immediately yanked her by the arm out of the water, unafraid of the fact that I could have pulled her shoulder out of socket. I didn't even dry her off and I just held her so tight and we cried together. I shouldn't have, because my crying was a dead giveaway to her that what just happened was BAD. She couldn't have been under water for more than 5 seconds, and I'm not sure how she got there unless she just slipped, but it scared the living shit out of me. I pulled myself together, she recovered pretty quickly, in fact she was laughing as I was getting her dressed. It happened to be close enough to her nap time that I laid her down (after I knew for a fact she was okay) and went to my room and lost it.

The part that really bothers me is that something similar happened to me when I was 3. I don't remember much about my early years, but I remember this day like it was yesterday. I even remember what color my outfit was. We were getting ready to leave the pool for the day, and I was walking around the outside ledge waiting for my mom. My dad was with me, close by, but I slipped and fell straight into 9 feet of water. It wasn't 2 seconds that I was under before the lifeguards got me, but to this day my biggest fear of death is drowning. It's so bad that if there's a part of a TV show or movie that includes being submerged in water, I have to turn it off to avoid being thrown into a panic. The shows where they teach you how to escape if your car were to run into water are tattooed in the back of my brain. It's also unfortunately led me to be claustrophobic. Not bad enough that it controls my life, but makes me fearful nevertheless. I'm the girl that always knows where the exit is wherever we are, bar, restaurant, sporting event, hotel...yep I'm THAT girl.

I do think she's young enough and it's not going to have any lasting effect on her, and I even put her back in that bathtub the following day and all was fine, and I did not get up to pee this time.

On a lighter note, and since I'm so bad at posting, some pics from the following days.

Not really sure what she's doing here, but she looks damn cute doing it.

At the Blue/White Scrimmage Football Game today. We stayed all of 45 minutes and it was enough to let me know that she won't be attending any football games, this year at least.

One of many days spent at the park. God I love the park. Hours and hours of play = tired, tired child. Yes I realize she looks drunk in this pic, it's a phone pic and therefore not the greatest.

This ones another shot from my phone so again not the best but I took her to my best friends son's T-Ball game and she LOVED it. Here she is with my best friends other little boy, they sat here for at least an hour straight. I was in shock.

Wow, long overdue

I just looked down and I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. No excuses, just tried to enjoy the warm weather last week and now we're stuck back in the cold. Boo.

We had Ava's party a week ago Saturday, and thankfully it wasn't as dramatic as we expected it to be. I complained earlier about having to invite my extended family, and because it's high time for spring break, no one outside of our immediate family was able to attend. We grilled, had some cold beverages, and the wee one was the center of attention, as always. We had 20 people and I don't know if I could have handled more than that.

Elmo is the man of the hour, and my best friend did an awesome job on his cake. The cupcakes I made were barely edible and not picture worthy so it's a good thing that I didn't try and make the cake.

Ava getting a first look at her ballons. You will notice that one of the big balloons had a 3 on it, obviously the party store messed up and gave us one set that belonged to someone else, but everyone joked that the 3 and the 2 were a celebration of my 32nd birthday. My family really knows how to melt a gals heart.

The birthday girl getting ready to blow out her candles, and blow them out she did!



Getting a first look at her new kitchen set, I think it's pretty obvious this one was a hit.



Addison helping to get all of the "stuff" organized. Too bad it lasted all of about 2.2 seconds.


Ava's first real boo boo. She tried getting on the treadmill after my nephew turned it on, obviously it didn't work out so well for her. Lucky for me it didn't phase her.


This is possibly the happiest thing that happened that day. It literally took this many people to get our old TV down because of it being up so high and the fact that the damn thing weighs about 300 pounds. This is the TV that came with the house when we bought it and has been broken since before Christmas. We ordered another one to replace this one and mama is very happy to have her living room back.



And lastly the biggest hit as far as Ava goes. It's hard to see her because my friends kids were sort of in the way, but the squeals are definately Ava's.



Happy Tax day!

Note to self...

Please remind yourself that you sort of live in the country, and that leaving the garage door open at night may not be the smartest thing to do. Cue: husband. I came upstairs tonight, noticed that the door to the garage wasn't locked (one thing that he actually does at night, WOW what an accomplishment huh), so I opened the door to a 15 pound white possum and her babies rummaging through the shit in my garage. I'm sure the mommy possum didn't really weight 15 pounds but I didn't have time to grab my stun gun or scale, or even better I didn't have time to grab the camera. And all this went on, and naturally the dog sat and did...well, nothing. Stuck his nose in the doorway and that was it.

This is not my friend, but close enough...I'll never forget.

I will have nightmares from this, as my hair is still itching.