It was one year ago today that my life as a mother changed forever. This day last year I learned that I would not be bringing two babies home, and the life of the remaining baby was hanging in the balance.
Words still cannot describe the pain I felt that day, but there was still hope that I would be bringing home one healthy baby.
Little did I know.
The memories of my pregnancy are fading, but the pain I feel over that loss is always there. I don't cry about it anymore, but I think about them and say a prayer every single day. The what if's can be overwhelming at times, but I've proven to myself that even though nothing will ever be the same again, I can and have moved on. That experience has forever changed who I am as a person, and who I am as a mother. I have more dead children than I do living ones. No one should ever have to write that.
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12 comments:
First of all, I wish that I could give you a big ol' hug. Second, I cannot get over that it has been a whole year. That is NUTS.
Lastly, you are right, no mom should ever have to write that. It was heartbreaking for me to read...
((hugs))
I can't believe it's been a year. I want to reach out and give you a huge hug. Your last statement is right on - and I cannot imagine what it took for you to write that.
My heart is breaking for you and I hope that one day it won't hurt so much for you.
I'm so very sorry you have this hurt.
that last statement gave me goosebumps. And then I saw the picture of Ava on the bench with all the empty space around her and that just broke my heart for you. I believe that is a loss that you never get past.
Your last sentence gave me goosebumps too. I am so sorry friend.
I am so sorry. I still pray for you, just so you know. *hug*
Your last few sentences are absolutely haunting. And heartbreaking.
I am so proud of you for sharing that. Your words hang with sorrow, but are still beautful.
I'm so sorry becca. I too still pray for you and your family. I can't believe it's been a year already.
How are you doing? It has been awhile since we have heard from you. I keep thinking of you. I took care of a woman last week that had a situation too similar to yours. I can't imagine the pain, the loss and saddness
The first time I read you was a year ago when Chas asked people to send prayers your way. My heart broke for you then, and it still does now.
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