Mumbo Jumbo

I had no idea it had been almost 2 weeks since I posted, it's probably been the longest 2 weeks of my life. This pregnancy is literally kicking my ass, but the good news is that it seems to be getting a little better, and the only way to go from here is up. This post is probably going to be a jumbled mess of thoughts, but that's about the best I got for now.

I started on the Phene.gren on July, 20 almost immediately after I found out I was pregnant. I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't helping, in fact it felt like it was making me feel worse. I suffered on that for a week until I called back, and all but begged for something else. They called in Zofr.an, which I now must recognize as the greatest drug on earth. Seriously. It's $50 a pill and if my insurance wouldn't have paid for it, I would have. I didn't care what the cost, I just wanted to feel normal, or halfway normal. I wanted to be able to hold, feed, change, and play with my daughter without feeling like I constantly needed to run to the bathroom. The feeling was constant. I was miserable from the time my feet hit the floor until I actually fell asleep at night. I didn't want to have to medicate myself during pregnancy, especially during the first trimester but I literally didn't think I would make it without it. Alot of it has to do with my anxiety disorder, which I'll go into at a later date, and they say that if the benefits of taking medication outweigh the risks, then do it. The first day on the new medicine was unbelievable. I couldn't believe the difference. Then the second day hit, July 29, and I don't know if I just had an off day or what, but that was the worse day I've had so far. I almost passed out, literally, and it scared the living crap out of me. And more so because one of my episodes happened in the car, on the way home from church with Ava in the backseat. Somehow, by the shear grace of God I made it through the day and I called the doctor first thing Monday morning. By this point I was feeling alot better, but they wanted to schedule me for an early appointment anyways. So, on Tuesday of that week I went in, talked to the doc about everything that has been going on. I was prescribed enough Zof.ran to last 6 months, and a new prenatal, Premesis. That in itself has helped wonders too. the good thing, it's not a horse pill like most of them are. He also went ahead and did an ultrasound just to be safe, and I got a glimpse, albeit small, of my new baby and for a minute all was right again. According to that my due date is March 25, but I have to go back next Tuesday for another ultrasound and I think at that point they will change it. He's basing that on a conception date of July 2 , and it didn't happen then. I can guarantee it.

I had also forgotten how much you have to eat. I never thought I would say this but I am so.sick.of.eating. The difference this time is that I crave nothing, and have aversions to everything. Nothing ever sounds good, and if it does I usually put the food in my mouth, chew a few bites and promptly spit it out. I did not have that problem when I was pregnant with Ava. I ate everything, and I wanted to eat everything. This time I'm eating out of necessity, not out of want. But I know I have to keep food in this belly to keep the nausea at bay. I've eaten a shit ton of Popsicles, and popcorn. I'm really trying to eat healthy, but at the same time right now I'm just eating what I think will stay down. So far so good. But sometimes it is a struggle. Nights are worse than mornings, which is also interfering with my much needed sleep.

Matthew and my parents have been absolute life savers, especially during my really bad week. I literally couldn't get off my butt that week except to eat and go to the bathroom. I didn't even leave the house. I think I showered but how many times, I have no idea. I know I have done alot of bitching over the last three weeks, and god bless them for doing whatever I needed them to do without saying a word.

I know that I still have a long way to go, but just seeing our little blob on the screen last week makes it more than worth it And I know I can get through it. I may just bitch along the way.